A few weeks ago there was a funny post on LinkedIn about the jargon brokers like to use and what they usually mean. I decided to take this a step further based on my experiences in the underground network of joker brokers.
So let me proudly present the first version of the PPE Joker Broker dictionary with the most common phrases used by these poor souls and their usual meaning when hearing from them.
| What the broker says | What it really means |
|---|---|
| I’m direct to… | I know a random dude from Whatsapp since two days and he says he has products. |
| We need an LOI and ICPO | I don’t have a real seller, but if you send me these docs, I will ask hundreds of brokers if they do have a seller. |
| This SOP is the standard in the business | I don’t know anything about medical devices and PPE and just came with the other brokers. |
| You on Whatsapp? | I have no corporate e-mail address. Also, if the deal fails, I will harass you every day with new, fascinating offers. |
| I’m a mandate | I’m a random dude with no legal entitlement but I might know a guy. |
| *any quantity offered above a million OTG* | I’m a complete idiot, who doesn’t know basic maths and economics, but I want to get rich overnight. |
| Must close in 24H | I try to push you into submitting your documents. Also, I don’t have a buyer, but I need money asap. |
| No long broker chains please | Our broker chain is already too long. |
| The buyer/seller is 100% vetted | I have no clue who the buyer/seller is, but someone in the broker chain said they are legit. |
| My contacts are serious people | I’m an impatient joker broker surrounded by other impatient joker brokers. |
| *Anything offered that is Cranberry, Cardinal, KC500, Ansell, Hartalega or 3M and not coming from an official distributor of these brands* | I’m a total scammer. |
| Due diligence is done by the FBI | I’m a big fan of James Bond movies with some delusions of grandeur. |
| I will blacklist you | I will rant about you in a few broker groups claiming you are a scammer. |
| The Seller is the government | I’m also a big fan of Qanon and other conspiracy theories. |
| Sure, let’s sign an NCNDA first | I am totally not direct to the seller or the buyer, and I’m terrified you will cut me out, because the seller/buyer doesn’t even know who I am. |
| I have transacted with this Seller before | I have never ever transacted with him, he’s just a random dude from Whatsapp. |
| Failed lot | The buyer wasn’t a complete moron and backed out of the deal after seeing us “work”. |
| 3M Cardinal / 3M NT400PF | I’m too lazy to even make a basic Google search to find out that these products do not exist. |
| The Seller/Buyer will not talk to brokers | Our broker chain is already too long and we don’t want you guys to find out about it. |
